By Chideraa Uzowulu
I recently saw a video of a lady saying she gets turned on when she sees a married man wearing his wedding ring.
The comments were full of reactions. Some people insulted her, while others attributed her behaviour to a “Jezebel spirit.”
But I found myself asking a different question: WHY?
What exactly excites her about a married man wearing his wedding ring?
Could it be low self-esteem?
Could it be the desire to feel special or prove that she is more attractive than another woman?
Could it be that she feels being chosen by a married man makes her more valuable? Or has she come to believe that being someone’s side piece is all she deserves?
Could it be the excitement of pursuing someone who is unavailable? Could it be something she has learned from past relationships? Or could there be another explanation entirely?
I am not saying this lady has trauma or low self-esteem.
We cannot know that from a video. But I believe these are questions worth exploring.
Research in psychology shows that our past experiences, self-esteem, and relationship patterns can influence how we relate to people.
However, this does not mean that every woman who pursues a married man has experienced trauma or has a psychological problem.
And this is where my concern lies.
Sometimes, we are so quick to condemn people’s behaviour that we never stop to understand what may be behind it.
Imagine someone who constantly finds themselves in unhealthy relationships.
If we only insult them, have we helped them change?
What if they need help understanding their self-worth?
What if they have learned to accept unhealthy relationships? Or what if neither explanation applies to them?
The truth is that different problems require different solutions.
If low self-esteem is contributing to a person’s choices, that needs a different response from a situation driven by the thrill of the forbidden or a conscious decision to pursue a married person.
Understanding the reason does not mean justifying the behaviour. A person can deserve compassion and still be responsible for choices that hurt others.
My point is simple: before we decide what someone needs to change, we should first understand what is driving the behaviour.
This applies not only to relationships but also to substance use, unhealthy coping habits, and other social problems. If we want lasting solutions, we must look beyond what people do and try to understand why they do it.
Understanding is not justification. It is the beginning of finding the right solution.
So, let me ask you: When you see behaviour you disagree with, do you first condemn the person, or do you ever stop to ask what might be driving that behaviour?
About the Author
Pharmacist Uzowulu Chidera B. (LadyPhenom)
Substance Use Prevention Expert | Mental Health Advocate
Connect with me:
Email: Chiderauzowulufoundation@gmail.com
LinkedIn: Chidera Uzowulu (LadyPhenom)
Facebook: Chidera Uzowulu (LadyPhenom)
Instagram: @Chidera_uzowulu_foundation
